dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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