You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
