I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
