I am full of burrito and curiosity
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
