if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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