i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
