So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
