no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
