I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
