don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
is wine microwaveable?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
