Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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