I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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