"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
