there's paper in my vomit.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
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i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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