maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
