I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
