Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
