Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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