guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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