I didn't shave. On purpose
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
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He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I forget how to act sober
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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