I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Pooping to opera.
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