whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
