come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
