If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
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Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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