what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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