Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
