I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
