my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
