Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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