I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
