No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
