A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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