I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
