Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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