that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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