Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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