i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
