HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
