marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
