all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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