Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
we're so committed to being not committed
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
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