Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
this is an emotional support booty call
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
