i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
