____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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