dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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