And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I am midnight drunk by noon
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize