I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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