guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
