i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
