I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
