Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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