I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
