I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
