sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
