She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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