I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
