go do what you do best...puke behind churches
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
