Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
