he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
