I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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