He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
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Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
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Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE