don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween