True but thats because hes a fetus.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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