if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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