I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
