At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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