obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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