I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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