why didn't you poke me back
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
