how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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