I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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