This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
