so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
