sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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