The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
They took my balls.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
