Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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