Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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