I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
