Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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