I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
