Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
This house was built for laser tag.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
