so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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