I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
