I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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