Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
